I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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