Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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