Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
