I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
