If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Actions speak louder than pants.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
