I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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