hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
