I need help removing her.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
