God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
