I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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