does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
