did you get engaged???
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
