You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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