im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
