You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
