The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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