You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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