yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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