I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
