And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
is wine microwaveable?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
