it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
