....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think your dad took our porno
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
