I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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