cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
