I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
