No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
