He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
