standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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