Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Randomize
