Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
