When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
