I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
