i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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