He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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