I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
