He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
