Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
