if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
