look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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