Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
