Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
