Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
