Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
