He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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