Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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