First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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