Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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