wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
