If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
