My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you had me at cake vodka
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
