he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
