maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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