Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
