if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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